Growing up "hood" was the thing to be. When I was in grade school I often day dreamed of getting into a fight-wanting to fit in more with my family. I was an outcast. I knew I was way to afraid and non-violent to actually physically harm anyone. I would hear family members brag about how many fights they had and how often they got suspended or expelled from school. I sometimes stared at myself in the mirror and fake an argument with a school bully. I always came out victorious in this scenario. In reality I was shy, never spoke or looked people in the eye, too afraid of what eye contact might insinuate. I was the girl who held tightly to her white faux fur coat and left her brother in the dust while witnessing him being robbed for his new Starter coat and fresh new bright red high top Fila's. I was made fun of for years as coming from where I am from you were taught to show no fear. I think back to that time and laugh at how crazy I must have seemed looking into the mirror pretending to have a fight with myself. I also thought Fight Club total ripped off my idea. As we all aged I assumed we would grow out of this need to fight and hustle-but coming from where I'm from you have no choice unless you're a girl you can get away with it. Some of us moved away, had kids, had some more kids, others died and some went to prison. Now it's the new generations turn and they are having the same conversations about fights and the need to be feared or stay hustling. I try to spit game but they don't hear me. I stay out the way because you never know when there is gun play. I fear for them and pray for them. Coming from where I'm from you have to stay surviving. Though you may get out, coming from where I'm from you will always have ties to the past, present and future. The thoughts may haunt you, sometimes make you laugh and make you feel blessed to be alive. You will always be reminded about those who never get out and never change because this life we call 'hood life' will never leave you. The memories will always take you back to time when you were a little girl clutching her new white faux fur coat so tightly it turned her fingers purple in fear teenage boys might want to take it from her . Love you Cream Puff, First Baby, Nene, Only One, and Mijo Mijo.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
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