Date Night.

Another year has passed and Baby Sophie has become an official person with wants and needs and grunts have turned into full fledged tantrums (I cannot wait till he can understand that mama don't play that).  Boo Thang and I are trying to remind ourselves that we are people outside of Baby Sophie and have decided to date again. First date went pretty smoothly. We went out for sushi and throughout dinner gazed into each other's eyes and laughed at jokes that weren't funny, didn't tell each other when we had something stuck in our teeth, and I twisted my hair a lot with my fingers, typical dating stuff. Boo Thang paid the bill like a gentleman (unlike the first time where we actually shared  dish, such a cheap-o).We grabbed some hot tea after and talked about our hopes and dreams, which we hadn't spoke of in sometime. We revealed new feelings we hadn't shared yet and a sense of excitement and butterflies all came back. We walked in the cold night holding each other's hands for warmth and I even allowed for kiss from my handsome suitor (I'm such a cheap date).  It was a perfect night and just the 2 hour break we needed. We even made plans to do it again. I am still waiting for the call for the second date. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him so soon. I will just wait by the phone for the call. I am pretty sure he will call, right?

Baby Sophie's New Start.

Baby Sophie has officially started Daycare. After some failed attempts of working and attempting to also take care of Baby Sophie at the same time I turned into a crazed maniac and everything became a blur.  It is a difficult decision to allow and trust a stranger to not only take care of your child but also bond with them during the time you wish you could. Not so many of us are lucky enough to even have this option or think about how it affects us. We are to busy with work, running household errands, cooking, cleaning, worrying about your other screwed up family to think straight. The women in my family always worked and many of them worked and took care of children with the absence of any father figure and this was the norm for me. I never really thought to ask how it affected them. But I see the hardships my grandmother endured for me and the work that never seemed to end for her. I know she wanted to spend more time with us but the time she did I cherished and savored. When I envisioned becoming a mother I saw myself doing it all, taking care of them and changing all pooped filled diapers but the reality sets in and the bills have to be payed somehow and you also want to use that degree you worked so hard for. But there is also this sense of self guilt not only you feel but seems others want to highlight that a mother should have when they have to work (Or maybe this could be how I am perceiving the questions that are being asked but in reality people are just being honest and curious). As a parent you naturally become defensive and protective when it seems someone may be questioning your ability to parent. I definitely need to work on the over protective thing, I pretty much threatened a 4 year old on the playground the other day because he was trying to pick on Baby Sophie. I basically told him I was going to f-him up. Boo Thang also made an important point the other day which I never really considered how he felt as a father. I was to consumed with my own feelings. He mentioned he also wants to be there with Baby Sophie, changing diapers and not missing any of it. It's not only the mother that feels this alone but a father as well. I want so much to give Baby Sophie what I didn't have as a child and not just things but a real sense of love, acceptance, and peace. Not to worry if someone might shoot in your window, rob your granny while she cleaned the motel rooms, beat a prostitute in front of you, or watch your mom get arrested for the 20th time. I don't think there is a right or what is wrong in this situation, it has to be what works for you and your family. I do know Baby Sophie is my world and I just want to protect him and watch him grow up to have compassion and respect for life and others, but for now he is just kicking, screaming and putting anything on the ground in his mouth. Mama and Baba love you para siempre.