I thought I had left fear back in its place a long time ago. I let go of it because it only grew and festered forcing me to stay indoors and isolate myself from the world as I feared it for a long time. When I first started working and going to college I was forced to have more interactions with people and strangers and that fear of the world and human interaction slowly dissipated. People for the most part were receptive and when I gained the courage to smile I was pleasantly surprised to get smiles back and with that I started to feel the fear running off to some small corner deep inside. People in the real world weren't so bad especially when you smile or take the time to say hello. It allowed for more open conversations with others.
When I worked at a group home in college I had a conversation with a man who at the time also worked with me. We were working the overnight shift when he shared some of his fears and asked me very blatant and without hesitation, "Why are people afraid of black men?" I was not sure how to answer that because surely I didn't fear black men or at least I didn't think I did. He talked about his experience with the police and being mistaken for a criminal and striped of his rights. Taking precautions not to look suspicious to others by smiling and overly being the "Nice" guy, and walking on the other side of the street when he saw white women to ease their mind. I felt sad for him especially since my Uncle Teddy who I mention quite often in the blog is also black and we had a very close bond before his death. I couldn't help to think Teddy also had these experiences throughout his life.
I am a brown person but my skin color seems to be on the lighter side so my experience differed from many of my other relatives. My brothers often pulled over and even jailed. The system there to protect them eventually mentally broke them down and they even gave in to the notion they were not worth more than the criminal they were labeled. It's strange but our world I notice is embedded with deep rooted hysteria of the "other".
The recent news events have brought me back to a place of my childhood where I would fear attacks from police (granted my family were criminals) and strangers. You see I ascribe to Islam and so does my now newly expanded family. The rhetoric that is seen all over the media first Mexicans being rapist and needing a ban on new immigration from Mexico and now a full fledged attack on a religion has caused me to fear for not only for myself this time but my family. I cannot fathom having to deal with tears from my son or daughter and being singled out for being different. I have fought to many of battle during my life to try to create a world for them that felt safe and free from fear.
I want them to also feel I how felt when I started to smile and received the smiles back and gave me hope that the world is in fact filled with beauty and love not only from the ones we hold dear but complete strangers willing to share their fears and hopes. I pray for people who lose their lives to ignorance and violence but we cannot let that fear fester and isolate ourselves from our neighbors and relatives.
When I worked at a group home in college I had a conversation with a man who at the time also worked with me. We were working the overnight shift when he shared some of his fears and asked me very blatant and without hesitation, "Why are people afraid of black men?" I was not sure how to answer that because surely I didn't fear black men or at least I didn't think I did. He talked about his experience with the police and being mistaken for a criminal and striped of his rights. Taking precautions not to look suspicious to others by smiling and overly being the "Nice" guy, and walking on the other side of the street when he saw white women to ease their mind. I felt sad for him especially since my Uncle Teddy who I mention quite often in the blog is also black and we had a very close bond before his death. I couldn't help to think Teddy also had these experiences throughout his life.
I am a brown person but my skin color seems to be on the lighter side so my experience differed from many of my other relatives. My brothers often pulled over and even jailed. The system there to protect them eventually mentally broke them down and they even gave in to the notion they were not worth more than the criminal they were labeled. It's strange but our world I notice is embedded with deep rooted hysteria of the "other".
The recent news events have brought me back to a place of my childhood where I would fear attacks from police (granted my family were criminals) and strangers. You see I ascribe to Islam and so does my now newly expanded family. The rhetoric that is seen all over the media first Mexicans being rapist and needing a ban on new immigration from Mexico and now a full fledged attack on a religion has caused me to fear for not only for myself this time but my family. I cannot fathom having to deal with tears from my son or daughter and being singled out for being different. I have fought to many of battle during my life to try to create a world for them that felt safe and free from fear.
I want them to also feel I how felt when I started to smile and received the smiles back and gave me hope that the world is in fact filled with beauty and love not only from the ones we hold dear but complete strangers willing to share their fears and hopes. I pray for people who lose their lives to ignorance and violence but we cannot let that fear fester and isolate ourselves from our neighbors and relatives.
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