First Baby

Valerie and Ani with their B-day cake made by me!

This past weekend I celebrated the birthday of my cousin Valerie. She recently turned 18 years old and is a constant reminder how out of touch I am with what is hip. I grew up with Valerie and her family. Raised with her father who was only 5 years older than me and more like a brother than an uncle. I would come home to barbie dolls with no hair and toys that had been mutilated by my uncle/brother. He would regularly taunt me, make fun of my gap teeth at the time and claimed I was a lesbian, you know normal brother stuff. When I would explain to strangers my uncle would burn my dolls and laugh in my face they were horrified as they pictured some mid age man with a wife beater holding a can of beer but he was an acne face chubby kid merely 5 years older than me. I would love to see their reaction before revealing his true age.  He eventually got over his phase of mutilating all my  toys and took me under his wing. He protected me and guided me to make the right decisions in life despite our misfortunes. He became my uncle/brother/father all at once. He had Valerie at the age of 16. Still only a kid forced to make adult decisions. She was his pride and joy. His First Baby as he called her. Valerie was like any other child active yet shy and reserved. A head full of curls and made a terror of a young boy turn into a complete softy. Frankie was his name and everyday I miss him. I can't believe it's been almost eight years but feels like yesterday. I replay the scene in my head over and over. I know he wouldn't want me to do that and probably tell me to stop it "Amy". I melt when I see his children becoming grown ups and how he will miss this all and how much they will miss him and knowing more of him, all of him. I see some of Valerie in him. His stubbornness, kind heart, his smile, his unpredictability and his ability to murder toys. His children are a constant reminder of him and sometimes I can barely stand to look at them. I miss him dearly and hope with gods grace he is proud of us and the people we have become.  Love you Frankie and miss you burning my toys and calling me gappy, A.P.E., Amy, White Girl, and most importantly your niece.

Adieu

 
So a few weeks ago I decided to leave the virtual world of Facebook.  I thought this process would be easy. I barley talk to any of the people on there and really only have about 4 real life friends. I mean who am I kidding pretending to be friends with 200 people. I felt a bit stalker-ish roaming through the pages of people I haven't spoken to or seen for years yet manage to have all access to their social life. I would get random updates on where they have last been and pictures of them seeming to have a blast or at least pretending to. This whole virtual world is so hard to keep pace with. It felt like high school all over again, competing to be kings and queens of the school, a popularity contest of sorts and I was the girl that ate lunch in the girls locker room. I know this virtual space is a great way to keep in contact with loved ones and close friends as well but find them to self promoting and this made me feel a bit inadequate at times.  They also take away all human contact in a real way. I notice all around me people fiddling with their phones, laptops, Ipads, etc, to afraid of interaction with the person next to them. It seems people would rather Facebook a hello rather then actually saying it to a person 5 feet away. I found myself Facebooking congrats on momentous events and reached the last straw when I saw a friend post a family member's passing and people selecting the "Like" button. I still manage to peek at the profiles through my Boo Thangs Facebook but hope to ease my way out of the virtual nightmare at least for the time being. I am sure I will be on some social networking site in no time posting pictures of how more amazing my life is than yours but until then...