They get cuter!

Before: Alien Monkey

After: My Love Bug

 

I was worried at first but Baby Sophie has managed to come out of the alien monkey phase of his life and hoping it only gets better. I never saw myself as one of "those" moms. You know the ones that are totally in love with their babies and go on and on about crap you could care less about but it has happened. I'm still not one of those "those" moms. You know the ones that have become complete jerks and know all the answers to life's questions and know what is best for you and your child  (I hate those self righteous a**holes. Don't let them push you around!). I have however  become a complete maniac, talking to him and answering back in a baby voice. My baby voice sounds like a cross between John Malkovich in 'Of Mice and Men' and Michael Jackson, it's pretty great. I tend to tell strangers random stories about Baby Sophie and it is pretty funny to see them attempt to be remotely interested but I don't care as long as I can shout to the world what a complete crazed mom I have become.  Baby Sophie you complete me!  "Mama, mama",  said Baby Sophie in my John Malkovich tone.

In the rain

The weather outside is frightful but we have some place to go with crying baby in tote so let it rain, let it rain, let it rain. Hope everyone is enjoying the winter weather or warm weather depending where you are in the world. The current  mood as my leave from work comes to an end is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I cannot wait to be chained to  by desk and stare at my cube buddy hoping she doesn't catch me reading my gossip columns.  I cannot wait to find out what Brittany and Lindsey have been up to. Their borderline psychosis is a hoot. 

And yes Neo-Funky man was the best Youtube version I could find.

It's my band not yours!

Cacalina (remember my cousin who often pooped her pants) and I when we were kids started a girl group inspired by the  early 90's girl group SWV (Sisters with Voices).  We would practice in the field adjacent to the Forty Flags Motel.  We would play SWV in the background so loudly our voices synced with the music. We had convinced ourselves we sounded just like the actual group. In reality we sounded like dying cats. We thought this could be our saving grace from the roach motel and neglectful parents we grew up with.  We would first make our way to Ed McMahon on Star Search and eventually get a record deal and become famous and tell everyone we hated to suck it. Our dreams were shattered when Cacalina's older sister and my first cousin Antoinetta (we shall call her) decided to take over and stated "I think we should revamp the group and I could be the lead singer". We were thoroughly pissed but somehow let her dictate the group. We now practiced in the living room on top of the coffee table and tried popular dance moves, the Running Man, Roger Rabbit, and Tootsie Roll.  Behind Antoinetta's back we would say how much we hated her and wished she would just get hit by a car or something (we were 9 at the time and had no real understanding of the consequences of someone getting hit by oncoming traffic).  One day as we all practiced our dancing and singing my brothers and uncle Frankie walked in and started to laugh so loudly and hysterically I ran into the bathroom and stayed there for about 10 minutes. Once I came out they pretty much let me have it. The reality of my real singing voice came to light and all the fantasies of jumping a train to make  it to Star Search were shattered since I had no actual musical talent. My meeting with Ed McMahon would never happen nor would be able to tell all the haters to suck it.  Cacalina and I were crushed and Antoinetta decided to move on to boys leaving us in the dust with our barbie dolls and combs we used as microphones. Damn you all to hell! I still sometimes fantasize about singing (with someone else's voice) in front of an audience and flipping the bird after I am done. Here are a couple videos of 90's girl groups we gave our likeness to, mind you we were 9 and 10 year old Mexican girls, one with a pooping problem who was often mistaken for a young boy and the other so shy she ran to the bathroom in any awkward situation (we lived in a motel with a living room and bedroom there were no other rooms to hide in).

Boo Thang

Boo Thang is a simple yet complicated man. He loves strong and hates just as strongly. I sometimes cannot believe how I stumbled upon such a wonderful man who yes thinks I am crazy and often tells me so yet still decided to love me and all my flaws and baggage. One of our first encounters he told me he was half French (a lie) and very sensitive and in tune with his man feelings (also a lie). I later found this out when I tried to make him watch Beaches and also ask about his French background to which he replied "Oh you believed that". He just thought French and Pakistani was more intriguing. I was pretty taken back by that statement since our natural instinct is to believe what a stranger at the time tells us to be true when they are making an introduction. I did think the 'in touch with his feelings' part was a bit overboard at the time. I had to basically back peddle to all my friends about the French part since I was bragging about having some connection to France (I hate the French). What I admire about Boo Thang is his ability to be so calm and relaxed when I am running around like a mad woman about situations that I have no control over such as turning back time. When I wake up late for work (not often I got perfect attendance for the year. Yes I am a complete suck up and ass kisser) and go in to a complete panic and his response is to calm the F-down. It kind of hurts my feelings but is pretty much the snap back to reality check I need at the time. Boo Thang also appreciates his family. I come from what you already know if you read this blog a very dysfunctional family and Boo Thang gets that but is sometimes baffled by the way we treat each other since his family actually gives a sh**. He makes sure to check in with his parents and they also check up on him. He Skypes with them so they can see their grandchild while my family thinks Skype is some sort of military aircraft. Boo Thang is pretty much a mans man and does not take crap from people or let others boss him around (I often wish he let me boss him around). He never raises his voice to get a point across but somehow can convey his anger or frustration with his eyes. He can enjoy the moment without the need to capture it with a photo or post about it on some social networking site. Boo Thang often passes gas after professing his love for me. He enjoys a healthy portioned burrito with quality meat, perfectly toasted toast and baked breads. He's a man with simple request and routine. He just needs his tea first, a smoke, potty time and coffee and toast after and I respect that and learning I need to yield to this routine otherwise both our day is ruined. Our love was truly tested when we experienced the birth of Baby Sophie who was such a horses ass during the birthing process but when Boo Thang looked at his son for the first time he leaned over and kissed me in admiration. I guess you can say I'm the luckiest gal on the block. Love you Boo Thang my baby daddy. 

Oh Snap!

Are we going to see a reemergence of Neo-Soul? Cody Chestnutt thinks so. My Boo Thang is also obsessed with that dude from The Voice Nicolas David so  all signs point to hells yes. Oh Snap!

When I grow up to be a man

My Baby Sophie has already started showing a bit of his personality. I don't know if I should be worried at this point. He definitely knows how to get his point across when he wants food as he spits out his pacifier and grunts loudly demanding food. He also likes to give all his attention to potty time as he silently focuses on pushing out his poop making the most awkward faces imaginable. He totally passes gas with no regard for others around him. When it comes to burping him he completely stiffs up, grunts angrily for us to stop. He sometimes smiles but always on his terms and never on demand as both Boo Thang and I have completely made fools of ourselves jumping around trying to get  one smirk out of him, he usually stares at us blankly.  Baby Sophie has also become more aware of his hands and has started to smack things out of the way he disproves of. I am hoping when he discovers other body parts he respects the social norms. He also has varying grunts, some that tell us he is satisfied, others out of anger and when he is just trying to get a point across and show us who is boss, other grunts sound like he is singing along to a song he only understands. I will attempt to instill respect and values that don't involve hating people based on differences since he himself is a hybrid of differences. I can't wait to see what the future brings for my Baby Sophie I just hope he learns to have some manners.

Welcoming Baby

So it finally happened, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. For now we will call him Baby Sophie. While I desperately wanted Baby Sophie to come and pretty much tried all home remedies with the exception of castor oil (the poop remedy) I had no clue how difficult the actual labor process could and would be for me. In total 38 hours of labor, two hours of pushing and off I went to get a c-section. A total of four days in the hospital which actually worked out since the nurses were there to help and guide us on the path to parenthood.  The first night home Baby Sophie woke up every hour on the hour and the next day slept in three hour increments and thought we were home free. Last night he decided to be a real jerk. He was grunting, crying and plunging towards his food and even had the nerve to pee towards me and on himself (No manners on this kid). He  made all sorts of poop faces and some we recorded for him to witness later in life. He refused to sleep or eat enough to put him back to sleep. Throughout this ordeal he decided to give us the stank eye, pirate eye, and just awkward dirty looks with no smiles or acknowledgment of us waiting on him hand and foot, what a donkeys behind. Who knew infants could be so selfish. As I watch him sleep so peacefully all I can think of is how this little terror kept me up all night with no sleep and how I wish I could just sleep as he does without a care in the world, pooping, eating, and being held with love, care, and tenderness. Welcome Baby Sophie, Mama and Baba love you.  

The Stank Eye