Caca-lina

Cacalina and I were very close when I was a child. She is my first cousin. Her father and my mother are brother and sister. She was bold and outspoken and often got into school yard fights. Her nickname came about as she was known for pooping herself and hiding her underwear in the most random places around the house. I would often find poop filled undies in drawers and hiding between nooks. She went to all the trouble to hide them when I thought it would be easier to just throw them out. While I didn't envy her bathroom methods I did admire her ability to do as she pleased without thinking of the consequences. She rarely cared about the trouble she might have to endure or the outcome of her actions. We would pretend to be singers in a girl group and her sometimes overbearing sister (who I love dearly) Antionetta would try and take over the show. We would play tea time and fake English accents since we thought all people who were of high status and liked tea had an English accent. We weren't allowed to go outside since we lived in a motel. Cacalina would defy these rules and go out anyways to the local park which inspired me to do the same and take more risks. Cacalina got older and her ways stayed the same. We drifted apart. I missed her and her funny and exciting ways. I stayed in school and Cacalina slowly disappeared from the school yard and officially left when she was only 11 years old. I was left alone to fend for myself on the school yard and participate in the singing duo which was now a solo act. I would run into her in the neighborhood and the connection we once shared was no more. She was beautiful, tall, tanned, long thick hair and confident in her looks. While she was assured in her looks she lacked self worth and made some poor decisions. I wanted to intervene and Antionetta (her older sister) and I bonded over this. We became close almost like sisters, symbolic of the sister we somehow loss. All we wanted was for Cacalina to be the old her (without the poopy underwear of course). I sometimes see her on the streets looking disheveled, sometimes with no shoes talking to herself and cannot believe it is the same person. She barely recognizes me anymore and I sometimes don't want her to. I went to visit her during the birth of her last child. She seemed anxious and aloof. She was talking about her plans with her baby fully aware the county was taking custody but not acknowledging it. I hugged her and told her I loved her and she asked me to leave as she was feeling anxious as my Boo Thang was also in the room. I know she will never be the same but will always remember the Cacalina who was strong, beautiful and free.