A whole lot.

Today I went for an evening stroll with Boo Thang and Baby Sophie. We decided we wanted boba tea (Tapioca drinks) and when we got there we realized we were 5 cents short as the place only takes cash. I decided I would still go in line and try to see if they would have pity on me and turns out the girl at the counter had none for leeches and smiled politely and said sorry (damn it). My somewhat introverted nature forced me to walk out red face and tell Boo Thang I was defeated and couldn't beg for a 5 cent discount. I was determined to walk the streets and look for dropped change. I figured people just throw away pennies and could easily find 5 of them. Boo Thang entertained the idea for about 10 seconds and then realized I was just being a crazy person. We went to the neighboring boba tea place and paid an additional 50 cents to use the debit machine. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Boba at last. As we walked with our tea's in hand we see the local bakery closing up shop and Boo Thang thought he could try his hand on getting a discount on Taro Buns (Sweet potato bread) and of course the gentleman behind the counter gives him two for the price of one and even greets us Islamic-ally, "Asalammu Alaikum" the elderly Chinese man states and once again I felt defeated by Boo Thang's natural charisma.  Boo Thang seems to have his way with people and they usually respond. I use to think I had that ability until I was put in my place. We also had a free day from Baby Sophie. I convinced my cousin to watch him for the day while we celebrated the life of my Boo Thang.  We decided to get massages the old cheap Chinese style where they basically punch the living crap out of you and elbow you in the spine.  After our fight club session we went to see a movie. This was probaby wasn't the best choice after being punched in the spine but it was an important film to see, "Fruitvale Station", quite possibly one of the most important movies of our generation and touches on our own embedded prejudices. This film has a real sense of authenticity and captures the Baydesterian (Bay area born and raised-forget all you implants not from the YAY) way of life not limited to "Going Dumb" in a public space. I cried like a baby and Boo Thang pretended he didn't but I think I saw some tears. Oscar Grant will always be remembered. After being beat up by both massages and a film we ended the night with a relaxing dinner. We were exhausted from a day away from Baby Sophie. Did we miss him, No. We actually planned our next day where just the two of us can roam the streets aimlessly looking for a good time as we once did.

Foot Note: Going Dumb: dancing in a spastic like motion and shaking your head. Best done in public spaces at random. For optimal results do this anytime a Mack Dre song is played. RIP Mac Dre. 

Summertime!

The sun is shinning and my baby is crying and mood is right. I have all these ideas of how I am planning on spending my summer. Long walks on the beach, visits to my favorite restaurants, and long nights out. So far I have woken up at 6 a.m. and have gone to bed in the wee hours of 9 p.m. I have however got to watch lots of television and movies on demand. "Lola Versus" and "Celeste and Jesse Forever" are must see films. Baby Sophie in the meantime is taking up all my time and working from home has been a juggling act but the bonus is I can work in my underpants and talk with clients as I dance around making suggestive moves since no one is around to judge me. Baby Sophie is also struggling to crawl and has manged to become an expert army crawler. He manages to go for all things off limits to him which include dirty shoes, small crumbs, all electrical sockets, cabinets, and anything with handles. Why the hell are babies attracted to all things dangerous. Just stay and play with your damn plush stuffed animal but nooooooooooooooo!, I would rather stick my finger in the electrical sockets to see what happens (Yes I have the safety covers you self righteous mom-holes).  I will keep planning this summer events, farmers markets, visits to Delores Park and free concerts. Forget those damn over priced music festivals with way to many cut off shorts and headbands, middle finger to you all. I prefer my concerts free with out of place elderly people dancing on an empty floor fully intoxicated and the lone crazed woman doing yoga at 12 in the afternoon. Lastly, I would love to stuff my face this summer with food, food and maybe a food truck that cost less than a 5 star restaurant and doesn't include gluten free options. Man oh man I love summer. Boo Thang this one is for you.

Hello Sunshine.

Baby Sophie is the sunshine of our lives at the moment, but he is sort of a stalker as well as he stares at us in the early morning. He looks like a creeper as his eyes pierce through the wooden slates in his crib towards our bed with no sound just eyes studying us.

Gangsta B****

I remember watching this video and listening to the lyrics as a child and thinking man I would love to grow up to be just like the girl in the video. This is quite possibly the best video ever. I think we all need a Gangsta B**** in our lives.  R.I.P. Apache your inspiring lyrics to young women across the world will never be forgotten. 

Spring is Here

I decided to throw out things and make a small donation to the Good Will and in turn went inside to do some shopping and decided to grab a few items as well (I love the Good Will and I rock that mutha f###ker).  The weather is bright and airy and I feel re-energized so much so that I decided to get bangs and after a week I am totally over them. Getting bangs always seems like a good idea and my husbands friends wife did say since my forehead is so large it suits me (English is her second language) but now I look like a Japanese school girl. Boo Thang just pointed and laughed at my new hair-do, needless to say he is not a fan of bangs and thinks they only belong on girls under the age of 10.  Baby Sophie is keeping me busy and has recently discovered his penis. He seems to go for it during bath time and changes. It's hilarious to watch someone exploring themselves without a sense of awareness of others around them. Ahhhhhhhhhhh Spring is in the air.

How did you spend yours?

So as I sit at my cubicle and complain to my co-workers why February 14th is quite possibly the most annoying Hallmark creation ever made and people who celebrate it are idiots and should be punched in the face I get a call from the receptionist to come to the front office. As I walk up to the counter I notice a bright red package with cupcakes and a card. I pretty much start reacting like some 'tween' who just saw one of those vampire dudes from the film, "Twilight". I also decided to run around showing all my co-workers what a great husband I have and how awesome this day is. Yes these cupcakes have taken a banned substance which forbid them from competing in the cupcake Olympics-these are cupcakes on steroids.  Thanks Boo Thang you are the best and help me to understand a bit more everyday why I wake up in the morning. 

It's so hard to say goodbye...

Leaning Sideways! Yeeeeeeeeeeee! Yes, he got that Mexican swagger.

Who knew I would have such a hard time saying goodbye to Baby Sophie as I head back to work. I leave in the wee hour of 5:40am and try to tip toe throughout the house trying not to wake him. I have essentially become a ninja. He sometimes wakes up and Boo Thang feeds him and I can see him in the corner of my eye watching me get dressed and walk out the  door, he knows something is up. I did not anticipate the amount of anxiety I have experienced leaving him home for almost 12 hours daily. I don't know how single working moms managed to do this so god bless you all because I have help from an awesome mother in law and  my Boo Thang and I am still managing to have some separation anxiety. When I come home exhausted from the day and commute I pretty much start prepping for our bedtime ritual, feeding, bathing, play time, and more feeding right before bed. The only time I get to spend lately with Baby Sophie is on the weekend and that is also becoming a juggling act of errands you can't possibly get done during the week, laundry, cleaning, groceries and other annoying household chores. I have day dreams of leaving work and just saying "F* it" I am staying home. How do we decide to chose career (ball and chain of my life) and what I actually want to do, spend time with my Baby Sophie and eat bon bons all day and watch the Wendy Williams Show (I love her). But seriously how do we achieve a stress less life enjoying activities we love? I am sure we would all jump at the chance if we could figure out a way to do so. Maybe I will come up with the best next thing or some random online business where I sell bootleg sports apparel and shirts with random phrases that include: FBI (Federal Booty Inspector) or I'm with Stupid (with an arrow pointed at their spouse) or even take pictures of everything I eat and post it on some god forbidden site not only promoting my glutenous lifestyle but annoying the hell out of my friends by shoving my food taste in every one's face forcing them to "Like it".  I hope I can figure this out soon because these moments I will never get back with Baby Sophie and hopefully one day he will become Man Sophie and while I live everyday and only die once, when that one day will be is unknown.

Things new moms can no longer do.

 

My dearest friends  (I hate you all) recently planned a trip to Cabo San Lucas for one of their bachelorette's and an annual girl trip we try to take. I being recently granted mommy duties was not able to partake in the festivities. I could have begged to go and brought Baby Sophie along and played on the beach but how tacky would that be to bring my new born to a party beach resort along with all my nursing gear, changing pads, baby clothes, teethers, bibs, extra clothes in case he double dirtied the others, toys,blankets, bottles, and cleaners for the bottles. Now I will have to hear about how fabulous the trip was and how great the weather and food was while sitting their nodding and smiling pretending to be happy for them but on the inside fuming with jealousy (praying some one got food poisoning and pooped themselves) . While  they got to be care free running along the sandy beaches of Cabo San Lucas I was at home playing with Baby Sophie and making self baby confessional video's and talking in my baby voice and blaming farts on his grandmother (We find farts way to amusing). I get that I can no longer just go out on a whim or because I feel like it. Baby Sophie has pretty much become the dictator of my life. I have to accept that going out will just have to take some strategic planning and possibly a Power Point presentation to convince the other party to babysit . I am the first of my friends to take on the mommy duties but I will not be the last and when the next one becomes a mother and hopefully by that time my child will be more mobile and can just easily tag along with me I will brag to them about how wonderful it is to just get up and go where the wind blows while they sit there forced to listen tired from lack of sleep, changing poop filled diapers and have vomit on their shoulders but I will continue smiling and laughing about how great life is.  (I am happy you all missed your connecting flight home, Haha!) Love you all. Keak Da Sneak special love to you and hope this time is good to you.

They get cuter!

Before: Alien Monkey

After: My Love Bug

 

I was worried at first but Baby Sophie has managed to come out of the alien monkey phase of his life and hoping it only gets better. I never saw myself as one of "those" moms. You know the ones that are totally in love with their babies and go on and on about crap you could care less about but it has happened. I'm still not one of those "those" moms. You know the ones that have become complete jerks and know all the answers to life's questions and know what is best for you and your child  (I hate those self righteous a**holes. Don't let them push you around!). I have however  become a complete maniac, talking to him and answering back in a baby voice. My baby voice sounds like a cross between John Malkovich in 'Of Mice and Men' and Michael Jackson, it's pretty great. I tend to tell strangers random stories about Baby Sophie and it is pretty funny to see them attempt to be remotely interested but I don't care as long as I can shout to the world what a complete crazed mom I have become.  Baby Sophie you complete me!  "Mama, mama",  said Baby Sophie in my John Malkovich tone.

In the rain

The weather outside is frightful but we have some place to go with crying baby in tote so let it rain, let it rain, let it rain. Hope everyone is enjoying the winter weather or warm weather depending where you are in the world. The current  mood as my leave from work comes to an end is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I cannot wait to be chained to  by desk and stare at my cube buddy hoping she doesn't catch me reading my gossip columns.  I cannot wait to find out what Brittany and Lindsey have been up to. Their borderline psychosis is a hoot. 

And yes Neo-Funky man was the best Youtube version I could find.